literature

15 ways to annoy Church

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15 ways to annoy Church

Disclaimer: I would suggest you invest in  bullet proof vest before trying any of this, but Church is such a bad shot he’d probably miss anyway

1. Get him to read the twilight series by Stephanie Myer, then tell him Caboose has imprinted on him

2. Clone Caboose about a hundred times and let them loose. Video the results

3. When he’s carrying the nice long sniper rife, tell him he’s not fooling anyone and he’s obviously overcompensating for something.

4. When he protests tell him “that’s not what Tex said”. Imply it might be the reason she was always cheating on him

5. Ask him what it was like dating someone who has bigger balls than him

6. Tell everyone he’s your best friend

7. Insist Church and Caboose celebrate “best friends” day together. Video the results

8. Get Tex to tell Church she’s leaving him for Caboose because “stupidity is sexy”

9. If he cries, video it and send it to the reds

10. Tell him command has a very important message for him and make sure he gets put through to Vic’s answering service. “There is no eleven you FUCKING WHORE!”

11. Get junior to follow him around. When he complains imply that Junior is now in love with him and wants to impregnate him an alien baby. Warning: This may result in junior getting shot.

12. Implant a chip in his head that will electrocute him every time he’s mean to Caboose. He will either go insane from the electric shots or he’ll be forced to be nice. Either way he’ll go insane.

13. Tell him sheila the tank has a crush on him

14. Convince Caboose and sheila to have kids, more specifically a mini caboose with a canon for a head. If he takes after his mother he’ll try to shoot Church on purpose. If he takes after his dad it’ll try to hug him then shoot him by accident anyway.

15. If the resulting child is a boy, tell him they’re naming it Lennard.
This is partially based on a VERY bizzare dream I had. Plus I've seen "ways to annoy" lists floating around about various fandoms and I tought it was about time to do one about red vs blue.

I plan on doing more about the other characters
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Autumn1185's avatar
Hehehe. I'm writing a story. Mind if I borrow some of these?