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Literature Text
15 ways to annoy Church
Disclaimer: I would suggest you invest in bullet proof vest before trying any of this, but Church is such a bad shot he’d probably miss anyway
1. Get him to read the twilight series by Stephanie Myer, then tell him Caboose has imprinted on him
2. Clone Caboose about a hundred times and let them loose. Video the results
3. When he’s carrying the nice long sniper rife, tell him he’s not fooling anyone and he’s obviously overcompensating for something.
4. When he protests tell him “that’s not what Tex said”. Imply it might be the reason she was always cheating on him
5. Ask him what it was like dating someone who has bigger balls than him
6. Tell everyone he’s your best friend
7. Insist Church and Caboose celebrate “best friends” day together. Video the results
8. Get Tex to tell Church she’s leaving him for Caboose because “stupidity is sexy”
9. If he cries, video it and send it to the reds
10. Tell him command has a very important message for him and make sure he gets put through to Vic’s answering service. “There is no eleven you FUCKING WHORE!”
11. Get junior to follow him around. When he complains imply that Junior is now in love with him and wants to impregnate him an alien baby. Warning: This may result in junior getting shot.
12. Implant a chip in his head that will electrocute him every time he’s mean to Caboose. He will either go insane from the electric shots or he’ll be forced to be nice. Either way he’ll go insane.
13. Tell him sheila the tank has a crush on him
14. Convince Caboose and sheila to have kids, more specifically a mini caboose with a canon for a head. If he takes after his mother he’ll try to shoot Church on purpose. If he takes after his dad it’ll try to hug him then shoot him by accident anyway.
15. If the resulting child is a boy, tell him they’re naming it Lennard.
Disclaimer: I would suggest you invest in bullet proof vest before trying any of this, but Church is such a bad shot he’d probably miss anyway
1. Get him to read the twilight series by Stephanie Myer, then tell him Caboose has imprinted on him
2. Clone Caboose about a hundred times and let them loose. Video the results
3. When he’s carrying the nice long sniper rife, tell him he’s not fooling anyone and he’s obviously overcompensating for something.
4. When he protests tell him “that’s not what Tex said”. Imply it might be the reason she was always cheating on him
5. Ask him what it was like dating someone who has bigger balls than him
6. Tell everyone he’s your best friend
7. Insist Church and Caboose celebrate “best friends” day together. Video the results
8. Get Tex to tell Church she’s leaving him for Caboose because “stupidity is sexy”
9. If he cries, video it and send it to the reds
10. Tell him command has a very important message for him and make sure he gets put through to Vic’s answering service. “There is no eleven you FUCKING WHORE!”
11. Get junior to follow him around. When he complains imply that Junior is now in love with him and wants to impregnate him an alien baby. Warning: This may result in junior getting shot.
12. Implant a chip in his head that will electrocute him every time he’s mean to Caboose. He will either go insane from the electric shots or he’ll be forced to be nice. Either way he’ll go insane.
13. Tell him sheila the tank has a crush on him
14. Convince Caboose and sheila to have kids, more specifically a mini caboose with a canon for a head. If he takes after his mother he’ll try to shoot Church on purpose. If he takes after his dad it’ll try to hug him then shoot him by accident anyway.
15. If the resulting child is a boy, tell him they’re naming it Lennard.
Literature
A Red vs. Blue Christmas
Twas a cold, winters night, and down at blue base,
Life slowly went by at a monotonous pace;
Artillery was left without guard, and who cared?
Attack the blue base? Red Team wouldnt dare!
Down in the bunker Caboose and Church sat,
Wishing for something that they could shoot at.
While Tex in her grey and Sis in her yellow.
Hoped command would send out a more interesting fellow.
Then, to their surprise who should come running in?
Twas Tucker with an unhelpful look of chagrin.
Theyre just over the hill! He yelled in great haste.
To your posts! shouted Church, They
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What would the Freelancers do for a Klondike bar?
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So, what would you do for a Klondike bar?
South Dakota: Kill my brother
North: What!?
South: I mean
kiss my brother.
North: ...I feel uncomfortable right now.
Me: You and me both.
Carolina: Do you think if I gave the Director a Klondike bar he would make me number one again!?
Me: Um, I don't know, maybe-
Carolina: YEAZ!
York: If I hold a Klondike bar to my eye, do you think it would help me see out of it?
Me: No.
York: Oh. Ok.
Me: Would you like a Klondike bar now?
York: Sure.
Me: But what would you do for one?
York: ...Just give me the fuck
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Her name was Allison, a long time ago,
But now she's Tex and her reputation grows.
She's a little blond girl who's cute as a button,
And a killer at heart, hard rock gets her struttin'.
Carolina's a true sky blue soldier,
Who'll never ask you if you will hold her.
She's a hard rockin' woman with a head of red,
And she's not the only one that wants Texas dead.
CT's got a secret, a hidden desire,
She's messed up a bunch but now she'll light 'em on fire.
Dark brown hair and deep brown eyes,
And Washington thinks she's an Insurrectionist spy.
Speaking of Wash, Recovery One,
He'll find anything, he'll get it done.
Big bad Maine was his very bes
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This is partially based on a VERY bizzare dream I had. Plus I've seen "ways to annoy" lists floating around about various fandoms and I tought it was about time to do one about red vs blue.
I plan on doing more about the other characters
I plan on doing more about the other characters
© 2009 - 2024 PossumGirl
Comments20
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Hehehe. I'm writing a story. Mind if I borrow some of these?